Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize