i think my tv is drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
