i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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