i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
