saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
