They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
