he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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