What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
