My nipple is on Facebook.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize