After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
