i think i have two assholes
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
