i will never coherently bang her
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
