Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
