You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
