I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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