No awkward lesbian experiences without me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
