apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I want is dick and wine.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
