I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
