Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize