saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
