D3 body, D1 cock
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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