vagina is talking i cant
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
