i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
