I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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