Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have already put on my inside pants.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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