My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I deserve this hangover.
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