Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
