He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
