turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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