Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
