In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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