I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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