My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize