I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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