highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
