So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
