if i can run in heels then i can drive
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pants are for mortals
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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