Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They have beer where we have blood.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
