All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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