i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
