Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
