you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
