I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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