singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
