going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
