haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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