you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
