I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
