a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm like, not good at living.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize