Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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