As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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