I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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