the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
