Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
