Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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