Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize