I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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