____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Operation Purity has been aborted
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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