i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
