oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
