the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
