Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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