it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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