Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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