Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
