why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
