I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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