well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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