your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
