I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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