no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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