i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would fuck him just for his dog
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
