Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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