I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
