i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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