At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
