When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
