seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
