We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
