omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
