so explain again why im purple
no
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
