Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
