I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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