i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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