just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
