You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
