1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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