Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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