woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone signed my nipple.
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