Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
