Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
