for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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