On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
