I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
