Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
