Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Text me some of your sweat
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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