As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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