"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
