we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
