I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
