I can text with my tongue
Duck Duck Cougar?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
