but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
