C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
