Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
