I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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