Screwed.edu
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
