That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
