Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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