You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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