I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I had to cum in my sink.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
