the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You have to summon your inner elephant
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize