and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
