Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
