yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
